“The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips” – Proverbs 16:23
There are two types of people we have all come across.
First, there are those who are very smooth talkers. Their gift of gab makes them natural salespeople. They can sell water to a fish. While this person may be talented in the art of persuasion, the trouble is knowing whether they are truthful in the things they say.
On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who like to "tell it like it is." With this person, you never have to worry about them lying to you, but you often wish they were more tactful in the truth they tell. They may say all the right things, but seemingly always in the wrong way. As a result, the truth they speak gets ignored because of how it was conveyed.
If we did a self-examination, I think it would be safe to say that we all lean toward one of these two extremes. While I painted the picture of two individuals on opposite ends of the spectrum, the fact of the matter is that we don't have to pit one against the other. In this proverb, Solomon tells us about a person who is able to be both truthful and persuasive. If we want to be the best version of ourselves, learning how to do both well is imperative.
When we look at this passage, the structure of the sentence is important in understanding how to put Solomon's observation into practice. First, a person has to make their speech judicious. In other words, the first thing a person must do is make sure that what they say is accurate.
In an age of "fake news" and AI, it is very easy to be convinced of something based solely on appearances. Something looks official or sounds accurate and, without verifying it, we run with it. Jesus Christ, the greatest truth-teller who ever lived, reminds us in John 7:24 to "not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment." So, if we are going to speak about something, before we utter a word, we must make sure we are correct.
Once we have done the due diligence to ensure that what we say is accurate, we can move on to effectively communicating those accurate thoughts. This is where we add persuasiveness to our speech.
It's not enough to tell the truth; we have to speak the truth in a persuasive way. Much too often, people believe that as long as they are right, it doesn't matter how something is said. The reality is that it does matter how something is said.
In another passage, Solomon says, "The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness" (Proverbs 16:21). How you say something really does increase the likelihood of persuading others. A truth spoken harshly can be just as damaging as a lie spoken softly—not in the sense that they are morally equivalent, but in that both can do more harm than good and ultimately fail to be well received by the listener.
To give an example, imagine that you bought your spouse a fantastic gift that you know they've wanted for a long time. Now imagine that, rather than giving them the gift yourself, you had your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend deliver it. How likely is it that your spouse would accept that gift? If your spouse is anything like my wife, the answer is an emphatic no.
It wouldn't matter how wonderful the gift was; the way it was given would ruin everything. In the same way, if you choose to speak the truth in an ineffective or incendiary manner, the listener will not receive the truth.
To sum it up, when it comes to our communication, we can:
Say the right thing in the wrong way.
Say the wrong thing in the right way.
Say the wrong thing in the wrong way.
Say the right thing in the right way.
If we want to be most effective in how we communicate with others, our aim should always be to say the right things in the right way. Therefore, make sure that what you are saying is right. Then, make sure that how you say the truth is right as well.